Home
Publications
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don’t know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying “Hello.”
I Politely said, “This is David. Could I please speak with Robert
Campbell?”
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right fcuking
number!” and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robert’s correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two Digits.
After hanging up with him, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re a C*nt!” and hung
up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘C*nt’ next to it, and put it in
my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I’d call him up and yell, “You’re a C*nt!” It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic “C*nt” Calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said,
“Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar
with our Caller ID Program?”
He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and
said, “That’s because you’re a C*nt!”
One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a
parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off And pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the Horn and yelled that
I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For
Sale” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his Number. A couple of
days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his Number on speed
dial,) I thought that I’d better call the Land Rover C*nt, too.
I said, “Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?”
Yes, it is”, he said.
“Can you tell me where I can see it?” I asked.
“Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It’s a terraced house, and
the car’s parked right out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Steve Hansen,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Steve?”
“I’m home most days as I’m currently unemployed.”
“Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?”
“Yes?”
“Steve, you’re a C*nt!”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I
had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up With an
idea.
I called C*nt #1.
“Hello?”
“You’re a C*nt!” (But I didn’t hang up.) “Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I said.
“Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me.” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Steve Hansen.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal
grey Land Rover parked out the front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start
saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared… C*nt.” and hung up.
Then I called C*nt #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, C*nt,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”
“You’ll do what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your a*se,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, C*nt, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
129 Alice Street, Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill my
gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in
Alice Street, Ilford. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice
Street. I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the sh!t out
of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter
and a News crew.
Now I feel MUCH better. Take it from me, anger management really works.
out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don’t know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying “Hello.”
I Politely said, “This is David. Could I please speak with Robert
Campbell?”
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right fcuking
number!” and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robert’s correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two Digits.
After hanging up with him, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re a C*nt!” and hung
up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘C*nt’ next to it, and put it in
my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I’d call him up and yell, “You’re a C*nt!” It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic “C*nt” Calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said,
“Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar
with our Caller ID Program?”
He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and
said, “That’s because you’re a C*nt!”
One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a
parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off And pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the Horn and yelled that
I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For
Sale” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his Number. A couple of
days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his Number on speed
dial,) I thought that I’d better call the Land Rover C*nt, too.
I said, “Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?”
Yes, it is”, he said.
“Can you tell me where I can see it?” I asked.
“Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It’s a terraced house, and
the car’s parked right out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Steve Hansen,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Steve?”
“I’m home most days as I’m currently unemployed.”
“Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?”
“Yes?”
“Steve, you’re a C*nt!”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I
had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up With an
idea.
I called C*nt #1.
“Hello?”
“You’re a C*nt!” (But I didn’t hang up.) “Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I said.
“Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me.” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Steve Hansen.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal
grey Land Rover parked out the front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start
saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared… C*nt.” and hung up.
Then I called C*nt #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, C*nt,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”
“You’ll do what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your a*se,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, C*nt, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
129 Alice Street, Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill my
gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in
Alice Street, Ilford. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice
Street. I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the sh!t out
of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter
and a News crew.
Now I feel MUCH better. Take it from me, anger management really works.
