Favorite silly jokes!

I'll start:


Knock-knock.
- Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
- "Interrupting c..."
MOOOO!

Here's one that's not PC (but the word filter will "fix" it)

What's red, sits in a tree and goes "Meow"?
- A challenged apple.

Arguing on the internet is like the Special Olympics...even if you win, you're still challenged.

That's what she said.

What's the difference between a bus: Yes or No?

this one never gets old...

wprager wrote:What's the difference between a bus: Yes or No?

I love it.

Just found this one. Not silly, but pretty funny:

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was happy, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Just read this beauty on reddit:

"A young boy walks into a barber shop. The barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

I have a weakness for puns:

A pun is its own re-word.

this doesn't consist on telling a joke but it was one thing I did at a couple of parties as a teen. this works only in winter when the heatrs are on close to full blast. (and you don't especially like the persons house you're partying at)

1. enjoy your first beer of the nighttalk to people, walk around and when the beer is almost over go to the can.

2. while in the can, carefully piss in the bottle without getting any on your hands

3. walk out of the bathroom, act all cool and all and slowly walk on over to the heaters.
4 this works best when the heaters are behind something such as the sofa or curtains.... deposit the beer.

5 sit back enjoy a few beers and leave when you're done.

6 depending on the kind of heaters your dealing with but within 3 to 10 hours they'll be a wicked smell coming from that room. hot Piss is not a nice smell but it's funny in the kind of funny where the jokes not on you.

I was a troubled teen


we also pissed in a bottle another time at a house party and passed the bottles to one guy i really detested.... ooohhh he swigged on that one hard. I cryed laughing i remember.

And now, re-read the story while looking at Flo's current avatar.

wprager wrote:And now, re-read the story while looking at Flo's current avatar.

yeah would be funny if BM had a secret dark prankster side.

speaking of i still do put half bananas(already peeled) inside some of my friends boots. they don't notice it until they stick their feel all the way in. By that time the banana is mooshed against the interior. it's always good for a giggle. would probably work well in skates as well.