Happy Limerick Day - clean it up contest

OK, if you've been to highschool you probably know this limerick. Its original form is quite, umm, naughty, so the context is to clean it up by replacing the asterisks. As with the other thread, if there's enough entries, we'll add a poll later. Here is the dirty limerick:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose **** was so long he could **** it
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin
"If my *** was a **** I could **** it!"

If you feel like replacing a non-asterisk word, go ahead, just don't replace everything in sight.

Have at it!

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose hair was so long he could tuckit
He pondered a while, then he said with a smile
"If my chin had a corn I could shuckit!"